Five Chairs: The Captain’s Chair Chair Three – Me FOR Others
You’ve made it out of the highchair. You’ve grown beyond the driver’s seat. And now you’re sitting in Chair Three.
The Captain’s Chair.
Sounds epic, right? Like something out of Star Trek. But make no mistake...this isn’t just about feeling in charge. It’s about the weight of leadership. It's about responsibility. It’s about how you live when you realize: this isn’t all about me anymore.
See, in Chair One, life was me for me. In Chair Two, it was me vs. others. But Chair Three?
It’s me for others.
This is the season where you're building something... maybe a family, a career, a business, a ministry. You're up early, working late, leading meetings, packing lunches, making spreadsheets, attending games, answering emails, showing up to the job site, paying bills, managing people, building equity - and in the middle of all that, you're trying to be a good spouse, parent, friend, neighbor.
You’re running the ship.
You’ve got responsibilities. People depend on you. And the temptation in Chair Three is to focus so hard on the destination that you miss the whole point of the journey.
The Trap of the Task List
Chair Three is where we become warriors.
That’s not a bad thing; God wired you for strength. You’re designed to get stuff done. Your strength is a gift. It gets you out of bed. It pushes through obstacles. It builds. It protects. It fights for what matters.
But here’s the danger: if we’re not careful, warriors will become mercenaries.
We stop fighting for people and start fighting against them, especially if they get in the way of what we want.
The marriage that was supposed to be a source of intimacy becomes an inconvenience. The kids we were so excited about now feel like distractions. The friends who used to be our lifelines are now “high maintenance.” And we justify it all by saying, “I’m doing this for them.”
But here’s the haunting question Chair Three asks:
What if you build a great career, live in a beautiful home, and go on amazing vacations…but nobody wants to live with you?
What if you get where you were going - and you’re alone?
That’s not a win. That’s a shipwreck.
Where Are You Steering This Ship?
If you’re in the Captain’s Chair, here are the questions you have to start asking:
- Where am I taking us?
- Who’s even on the boat with me?
- Am I charting a course that gets us there together—or just one that gets me there faster?
- And when we get there… will we have loved each other well along the way?
Chair Three isn’t just about goals. It’s about who you’re becoming while you pursue them - and who’s still with you when you get there.
I’ve sat with too many men and women who worked 80-hour weeks to give their kids “everything they never had” - only to realize later their kids didn’t want more stuff. They wanted them.
I’ve watched marriages fall apart because one spouse was building an empire and the other was quietly drowning.
I’ve counseled successful people who finally hit their financial goals and looked around and asked, “Now what?”
And the truth is, Chair Three doesn’t ask, “Can you win?” It asks, “Will anyone still be with you when you do?”
Strength with Surrender
Chair Three is about strength. But not the kind the world celebrates.
This is the strength that fights for your family even when you’re tired. The strength that says no to one more meeting so you can be home for dinner. The strength that admits you can’t do it all. The strength that rests when it’s easier to push through. The strength that serves instead of demands.
And yeah...sometimes the warrior gets it wrong.
Sometimes we bulldoze. Sometimes we steamroll. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we are the savior of our story.
But Chair Three reminds us: you’re not the Savior. You’re the servant.
The goal is not to dominate. The goal is to love well.
The Wake Behind You
Here’s a sobering question: what kind of wake are you leaving behind?
Are you building something your family will want to live in, or are you leaving behind a trail of exhaustion, disconnection, and resentment?
Look behind you.
Is there peace? Or are there bodies?
Chair Three has a way of revealing what’s most important to us. It’s not what you say matters—it’s what you consistently prioritize that tells the truth.
And the good news? If you don’t like what you see, you can change it. Right now. Today.
Because you’re the captain. You’ve got the wheel. You can shift the course.
So What Now?
If you’re in the Captain’s Chair, take a deep breath.
You don’t have to do it all.
You’re not meant to carry it alone.
Ask Jesus to be the true captain. Let Him steer. Let Him define success. Let Him remind you that your greatest legacy isn’t the stuff you build—it’s the people you build it with.
And maybe...just maybe...the most important work you’ll ever do won’t show up on your résumé. It’ll show up in your marriage, your kids, your friendships, your faith.
The world doesn’t need more powerful warriors.
It needs more surrendered captains.
People who lead with love, serve with strength, and remember: we’re not just building for others…we’re becoming for them too.
If this encouraged you, check out more articles from our Flatirons Spiritual Formation Team for practical tools, encouragement, and ways to grow in your faith and leadership. Click here.