Locations & Times

If we’re being honest, some of us might have added an “unless” at the end of our wedding vows. 

I will have and hold my spouse, unless they disappoint me. I will be by their side in sickness and in health, unless they betray my trust. I will love them for better or for worse, unless the “worse” isn’t what I expected. I will choose them, unless life gets hard.

But we will experience conflict, won’t we? One day, our spouses will do something to upset us…just as we will certainly do something to upset them. One day, they will disappoint us, just as we will disappoint them. Our flesh tells us to hurt them back. Our broken hearts will resist the very idea of forgiving them…after all, why should we?

Because, beloved, the Lord forgave you. 

There was a moment in Jesus’ ministry when one of His disciples, Peter, approached Him with a question. Peter asks, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).

Jesus responded, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (18:22). 

Jesus isn’t telling Peter to forgive exactly seventy-seven times (or, other translations say “seventy times seven”). Jesus is telling Peter to always forgive – again, and again, and again.

Jesus commanded us to “love one another: just as I have loved you” (John 13:34). His love for us didn’t make sense. His forgiveness of our sins is…unreasonable. 

Friends, our love for others – and the forgiveness we may need to offer them – shouldn’t make sense, either. Scripture tells us that as children of God, we are set apart – our lives will look different. We will forgive those who have wronged us, not by our own power but by the power of the One who forgave us.

What does that forgiveness look like? What happens when we want to forgive our spouse, but our hearts haven’t caught up with that decision? Sometimes, we genuinely mean it when we say, “I forgive you,” but then that same hurt resurfaces. Does that mean that we haven’t truly forgiven them?

Sometimes, forgiveness isn’t just a one-time decision. Sometimes, it’s a choice we make over and over again. When the anger resurfaces and we’re tempted to bring up old wounds, we can open our hands and surrender it to Him – day after day – and allow the Holy Spirit a place in our hearts. We can focus on what we can work on within ourselves and within our relationship – not on what our spouse needs to work on. That work belongs to Jesus and our spouse…our responsibility is to remain open to what the Lord wants to do in our hearts.

Jesus sees your pain and your brokenness. He knows exactly what happened between you and your spouse, and He knows exactly where it cut you and how deep. He isn’t asking you to sweep it under the rug and pretend like it never happened.

He is asking us to have and hold our spouses, even when we are disappointed. He is asking us to be by their side in sickness and in health, even when our trust in them has taken a hit. He is asking us to love them for better or for worse, even when “worse” isn’t what we expected. He is asking us to keep choosing them, even when things get hard.

Why? Why must we continually lay down our lives? Why must we forgive and extend grace, even when we don't feel like it? 

Because, beloved, Jesus did the same for us. 

He loved us when we were unlovable. He extended grace when we had nothing to offer Him. He forgave us at a cost that we could never pay.

We don't have to manufacture this kind of love on our own…in fact, we can’t. We can keep returning to Jesus, hands open, to receive the love and forgiveness that He will never stop pouring out. 

So, where is Jesus asking you to open your hands today…and what might it look like to offer your spouse the same grace that He so freely offered to you?

If this encouraged you, check out more articles from our Flatirons Spiritual Formation Team for practical tools, encouragement, and ways to grow in your faith and leadership. Click here.